The Titanic Sank…Get Over it

I play golf and even though I’m NOT a accomplished golfer I take pride in my game especially when I play in competition.

One  aspect of most peoples game that I notice is how long they dwell on a bad shot! I have played with individuals who will hit a bad shot on hole number one and think about it and talk about it for seven holes, maybe even the next eight to nine holes.

The Titanic sank get over it! In life there WILL be many disappointments, set backs and yes even tragedies. How you deal with them as they transpire will play heavily in your life and in some cases for the rest of your life.

Understand that time stops for NO event, person or thing! Time continues to tick forward no matter the situation. JFK, Bobby Kennedy , Martin Luther King, Elvis and even Michael Jackson didn’t stop time from continuing forward with their untimely deaths.

I understand how difficult some situations can be to get though and get over. However the faster you move forward, the quicker you get on with your life, the better the situation will be for you and those associated with you.

Now there is a huge difference between a bad golf shot and losing a loved one. We all understand that. But you MUST deal with both situations with the understanding that life goes on, time will NOT stop for you to adjust to the situation.

Let’s take any disappointment or set back, once it has taken place, it’s history. There will be nothing you can do to stop it, it’s done! Move on! How do you make life for you and those associated with you as good as it can be? How do you go forward.

Well first of all it will not be easy! Forget the golf shot, that you should dispense before your next shot. The fender bender is done and forgotten almost as if it never happen. Your child’s F on their report card, talk about, discuss a plan that will have them correct the problem and move on. NO yelling, screaming and certainly no reminding them for the nine weeks about the poor grade!

Look, life is difficult and it produces a great number of situations that can be depressing, hurting, disappointing and with great sorrow. The reality is, like it or not, life and time do NOT wait for you or anyone to get over it.

As the Titanic sank several hundred people watched from life boats as loved ones and others aboard the ship died. It’s a hard fact and it happened.

Those who lost loved ones were hurt and in deep sorrow for their loss. BUT they had one thing that we all have to help us keep going, you might call it “the recorder of life”, our memory.

I have lost many loved ones in my life. Family, friends and comrade’s in arms. I cried and I asked why? But I moved on, and you will too. You will because you have those memories of all those times, good, bad and indifferent. Memories are so precious.

You will laugh, you will cry but most important you WILL remember and as you do, you move forward with your life.

The Titanic sank………and you did get over it.
~Mr Motivation~

The Single Reason most Individuals are not good Parents

I have been a parent for over forty years and it is NOT an easy thing to be. Unfortunately most people believe it is somewhat simplistic to do, so they do not put effort into it and their children show that in their development.

You know 99.9% of ALL parents in the world, yes that’s right I said the world, would be good , if NOT great parents, if it wasn’t for one small problem…….KIDS!

You see that’s the problem. Kids get in the way of being a good parent. Sure they do. If you didn’t have to worry about them all the time look how much easier it would be to be a parent!

Why are so many parents not very good at being parents, because they really don’t want to be. They do not want to sacrifice any more than they have too. So they treat their kids like their TV, DVD or any other devise they own….by remote control.

Yes it’s true! Parents want to sit on the couch and remote control being a parent.

Now while that works real well for all your electronics it’s a disaster when it comes to raising your kids.

I was at a retail store just the other day when a young boy, maybe five years old started screaming and sat down right in the middle of the aisle. His mother turned to him and said ” Now Tommy stop that!” “You DON”T act that I way at home!”  I’m sorry I could NOT resist so I said, “Oh yes he does! Or he wouldn’t be doing it here.”

Sorry mom but the truth is the truth. Kids emulate whatever they do or get away with at home everywhere else they go. When a teacher called in a mother recently to discus her sons behavior in class she was STUNNED to hear how he acted and talked back to the teacher. He never does those kind of actions at home! YES HE DOES!

Just like an alcoholic who refuses to accept the fact they have a drinking problem so do most parents when it comes to being responsible for the children’s actions.

This will put a smile on your face. How many times have you heard, ” My Johnnie/Susie would NEVER do something like that.” You just want to say, so badly, Oh! yes they do!

It’s one thing to love your children and another to ignore the facts. And the facts? Most of the time is that the children are NOT all that bad, it’s the parents that are ALL that BAD!

Look I know how difficult it is to raise children in today’s environment. I have had children in the 70′s 80′s 90′s and the 2000′s. I have sixteen (16) grandchildren, although that’s a story for another day. (I do NOT attempt to raise them.) So I know being a parent is tough!

So you probably are thinking alright smart ass whats the secret? What do you know we don’t.

Simple. Raising kids is like anything else you do. If you do NOT have sincerity, love and trust more likely than not you are NOT going to be successful!

If you believe that you can sit around and NOT get involved and raise them by sitting on the couch and remote controlling your involvement, it WILL be your kid in the middle of the aisle at the store.

Get involved, stay involved! Be there when they need you even if they think they don’t. Listen, your children from the ages of 12 to 25 will without a doubt believe you are the biggest dumb ass in the entire world and 99% of whatever it is your saying is crap!

So start early! 95% of everything you will teach your children WILL happen before they turn the age of 13.

There is nothing wrong with liking your child and not liking your child. but don’t EVER not love them. One thing above ALL else without fail, is every opportunity you get every single day, you ensure that you always say those three words “I Love You.” Because if you do NOT a gang or gang member will! A drug dealer will! A prostitute will! A pedophile will! Someone on the Internet will!

Being a parent is tough. Being a good parent is even tougher! But being the person on the opposite side of a weapon is really tough. Being the person at the hospital because your son or daughter just overdosed is really tough. Or having the police tell you that your missing son or daughter will never be coming home again because they just found them in a dense part of the woods or a trash dump….is devastating!

They call them universal remotes. When it comes to raising your children try the off button, I guarantee you better results and less commercials.

~Mr Motivation

Video: Golf is A Four Letter Word Part 1 & 2

Once Upon a Time……

Within your life you believed reality was a fairy tale. You took drugs, drank alcohol, sniffed glue and whatever else YOU belived got you out of being responsible for your actions in the real life world of reality!
Bottom line. Every time you thought you had departed, you were still right where you had always been. Right in the middle of YOUR own life. The only happy ending to this story is strickly up to YOU!

Life is too tough, I just can NOT handle it without these drugs, or getting drunk or doing whatever, you don’t understand! Oh! but I do! Deep down, really deep down inside you are a coward. You are afaid to face reality. The daily challenges. It is easier to blame someone else, Parents, spouses, friends, enemies, whomever, than accept the fact that reality is, YOU don’t want happiness, success, love or a stable relationship. Why, well as the famous saying goes: “You can’t handle the truth!”

Oh yeah, I know tough guy/girl, you got your hood, your blood your gang. there your family. You know I understand that to a degree. You had parents who were NOT there for you so you turned to someone that was. OK I will give you that one, sort of.
Because 95% of the time your parents tired to give you the guidance you needed. But YOU didn’t want to listen! Why? Simple. It was just too hard for YOU to do! You didn’t want to put in the time, it was to difficult. I can escape to the drugs, alcohol, sex and whatever else I can find so I do NOT have to be responsible to myself and those around me.
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Guess what dudes? Even in a gang, you are responsible to someone or something, so don’t kid yourself.

Life’s tough. I’m NOT going to fill your head with pure BS. That is probally what has happen to you already. Hey I don’t care what you are doing, in school, in a relationship, in a job, single parent or just trying to make ends meet. Life is NOT easy. It is not a fairy tale. The Easter Bunny, The Tooth Fairy and yes even Santa are all fairy tales and NOT at all real. You know this to be true. Those egges and baskets, the money under your pillow and those gifts under the tree, came from Mom and Dad or someone in your life who loved and or caried about YOU!

Many people believe when they fail at anything, relationships, school/college, jobs and or a career it’s always someone elses fault. I certainly didn’t do anything to fail. You know, your right! YOU didn’t do anything, especially to succed!
Over the years people have watched soap operas and now today reality shows. Because they want to see someone who is in worse trouble and has a more difficult life than they do. “I’m so happy to see ALL these other people in these situations, makes me believe that I’m pretty good.” Whatever!

YOU are as good as YOU want to be. Your success is what YOU deem success to be and then going out and making it happen! What you want in life, the reality of life is very simple. You have to work at whatever you want and you have to want whatever it is you are trying to accomplish.
Understand this. Drugs wear off. Alcohol wears off. Reality NEVER stops and it NEVER wears off. Ok, don’t believe me. The next time you do drugs or alcohol or anything to escape reality look at your watch, note what time it is. I will guarantee you that the time will have advanced forward when those items wear off! The next time someone dies, doesn’t make any difference if you know them or not, look at your watch. Reality is, no matter who or what: The second hand NEVER stopped and time went right on. The reality is life doesn’t stop for anything or anybody, PERIOD!

So take responsibility for who you are. Take responsibility for where YOU take your life. Take responsiblity for YOUR actions, because the reality is if you do NOT, YOU will live a fairy tale for your entire life and the prince or breauitful maden will NEVER come.
The ending of this fairy tale called reality is how YOU write it!

~Mr Motivation~

Golf is a Four Letter Word

Over $12 billion dollars a year is spent by individuals on new clubs, video’s, training aids and lessons. $12 billion dollars!

Yet very little dollars are spent by the average golfer on the most important part of their game, mental attitude. What most individuals do NOT understand is this part of golf is 90% of your success. 90%!

Yes, I know, good equipment is extremely important, especially as you develop your skills. Lessons and video’s do help you develop and maintain those skills and are valuable tools to help you become a better player. But let’s stop right here and look at something many individuals overlook. “Mental Attitude!”

I have played tournament golf for several years now with some very good experiences and success. Ten (10) victories in two years. Player of the Year and a Spirit of the Tour Award. Quite frankly I should have won maybe twice.

So how do I accomplish winning at this level against many players who have even better equipment, talent and skills than I do. Actually it’s really simple. They choke. They get mad. They lose their temper. They lose focus. They lose, period!

I have played with individuals who will hit a “bad” shot and will live, breath, and talk about the shot for the next five to six holes, reliving every element of that shot over and over! Hey, it’s history, get over it! The Titanic sunk already. It’s H I S T O R Y!

That bad shot is history, in the past over and done and since this is NOT a video game NO instant replay, rewind, or do over. Even more important, it’s tournament golf, NO mulligans!

Rather than focus on something you no longer have control over, it’s in the past, history, now focus on your next shot, hitting it as well as possible. Determine in your mine what needs to be done over the next several shots to keep this hole from becoming a bogey or worse a dreaded snowman! (8).

But first you MUST understand, unless you are a REALLY, and I mean REALLY a good player, more than likely you will NOT be able to make up that bad shot with just one good one.

It will take a series of thoughts to process, maybe two more good shots and a putt to save bogey!

But here is another thought. What do you think happens after you hit that bad shot and dwell on it for the next several holes? Well, you will be out of focus, and hitting one shot after another that may NOT be your best, which will add to the frustration and there goes your game and score right down the tubes and into the rough. Someone else is winning today!

What is sad here? More than likely you had the equipment and talent to win, at least compete to win and you let a bad shot destroy your “mental attitude.”

So what to do? Simple. In fact it is the simplest part of your game. Think now. Think about the shot at hand, the shot you must execute now, not the one in the past, it’s history you can NOT do anything about it. It’s this shot and the next and the next that needs your focus!

Will you be frustrated, upset, mad, quite frankly, “pissed off!” Yep! And all of that and a buck ninety-five will get you a coke at your favorite restaurant. So get over it!

Get through the temper and madness and then determine, depending on your skill level what YOU need to do over the next several shots to obtain the best score possible and move on concentrating on each shot on each new hole that follows.

Listen golf is tough it is NOT easy. If it were easy, difficult would NOT be in the dictionary.

Understand you are going to hit shots, some worse than others that are NOT going to be what you wanted. OK. YOU hit it. YOU put it out of bounds. In the hazard. In the water. YOU hit the shot. So now hit a better one and a better one and so on. Do NOT linger on that shot that wasn’t what you hoped it would be.

In fact, smile, and say something like, “Well that wasn’t very good was it?” Not quite what I wanted.” it will pay dividends latter during the round. Both for your temperament and attitude and the fact that your playing partners will be intimidated by your “mental attitude.” believe me, I know. I win more on my “mental attitude” than on my abilities.

Now understand even if you have focus and mental attitude doesn’t mean you won’t hit bad shots! Because you will, remember golf is a four-letter word! But YOU will know how to deal with those bad shots and move on!

Want to play better golf! Good clubs, good video’s, good lessons, OK you need to have those. Good “mental attitude” understanding what’s going to happen during your round and knowing that you have the answer 99% of the other golfers don’t! YOU have the edge 99% of the other golfers don’t.

Ever hear the statement “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!” Well remember “What happen in the past stays in the past!”

Play “proactive” NOT ‘reactive” and you will enjoy the game more than ever. If you play competitive golf your successes will double!

FORE!

~Mr Motivation~

Time Management Does Not Exists

There is no such thing as “Time Management!” I know I learned in college just as you did as we studied to obtain our Bachelor’sdegree all about controlling time by managing that time. Problem is if you could really do that you would be a time traveler, the inventor of the time machine.

Look let’s be honest, there is 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a complete day! Period.

Look at your watch or the clock on the wall, the second hand never stops. You do NOT command time, however many people let it command them.

Why is that? Why do so many people let time command their lives. Because they are trying fruitlessly to manage that unstoppable second hand.

This is really quite simple. It’s “Self Management” within time constraints. That’s right how you manage yourself with those 60 seconds, 60 minutes and those 24 hours. Once you understand that procedure you stop wasting all the time you are so hard trying to manage.

Do you ever go on a vacation to a pre-determined destination without some form of a road map. Probably not. Would you even think about leaving home with no idea of how to get to the destination you wish to visit? No you wouldn’t. You would purchase a map or go on the Internet and map quest where you want to go. Why. Because you are interested in getting to you destination as quickly and as effectively as possible.

Now there is where the problem lies with time management. You really are managing yourself. Mapping out the goals, affirmations and perspectives you want or wish to accomplish with in a certain time frame. You manage yourself to fit within those constrains, not manage those constrains.

Once you understand that the key is to prioritize what you want and organize your self to get it done, self management, you WILL notice a tremendous difference in the amount of projects completed in a short period of time and or completed within a time frame you had in mind.

Don’t get wrapped up in cute phrases that seem to be intellectual. It’s like the book, “What color is your parachute.” Who cares as long as it opens when it ‘s supposed to.

Remember you control you, not time. “Self Management”, NOT “Time Management!”

—

Mr Motivation

You’re Too Good to Be True!

Before I met and married my beautiful wife Chary I used to wake up every morning excited to get to the bath room and get ready for work. Why was I so excited?

Because I was going to look at myself in the mirror and sing! Yes that’s right sing.I would look into that mirror and sing the verses: “You’re just too good to be true!” “Can’t take my eyes off of you!” “You’re like heaven too touch.” Hmm, I want to hold you so much!”

Some might take exception and say I was being vain. Really! Let me tell you why that’s NOT correct.

You see I was starting my day off with a positive view of me! Why not? If you can’t look into the mirror and be proud of what you see, then you have two choices. Don’t look in the mirror or change your attitude about YOU!

Come on if you don’t love yourself, respect yourself and trust yourself, who will?

Now I will admit I no longer sing that song to myself when I awake, I now sing that to my wife, Chary. However don’t think for one second I don’t think about those words in my mind throughout the day.

Cocky? Arrogant? Conceded? NO not at all! I’m proud of myself, what I do and how I do it. NO I’m NOT always right, or successful. BUT I’m always trying! I’m always confident that in failure I will succeed! I will win! I will not fail! Even when I do! Failure is only a negative if you allow it to become a negative.

When I fail and I do, that doesn’t mean I give up or quit. It just means I try harder on my next attempt to accomplish whatever it is that I’m trying to do or accomplish.

Look, life is extremely tough and many times unforgiving. So if you believe that every time you set out to do something it’s going to be right or go well the first time, Uh, it might be a long day or week or month or even a year.

So maybe tomorrow when you get up and look in the mirror you just might want to sing those words, “I’m too good to be true.”

Because if YOU believe in that and in you, then you will be, just that, “Too good to be true!”

Why Parents must always be right?

Let’s understand something even before we get started. If you haven’t figured this out already, you’re NOT a parent.

If you were you would already understand how difficult being a parent is and how difficult raising children can be!

So why is it 99.9% of all parents believe that they MUST always be right or even worse ALWAYS have the answer to every question known to man. Well at least to every question their child has!

I remember one time when my son was in the fifth grade and ask me to assist him with his math homework. Now I was never that competent in math but come on it’s the fifth grade! Well I got to tell you. I opened that math book went to the page of problems took one look and said, “Oh man!” “What in the hell is this ____?”, we will leave out the next word. My wife reads these articles!

Well many parents simply pretend  to understand the formulas and “help” their child complete the problems only to the dismay of the child the next day at school when the teacher asks “Who helped you with your home work?” ” One of your parents?”

They see this everyday poor Tommy or Sally come to school all excited because they have their homework assignment completed only to find out that almost if not EVERY single answer is incorrect!

Now don’t get me wrong here, I REALLY appreciate that parent that takes the time to help their child as to the parent who is “too busy” or just can’t break away from that career opportunity to get home in time to help.

But even with that said if you don’t know, then you don’t know. Hey! rather than do it incorrectly, simply say ” Wow, it looks like it’s been awhile since I’ve done this and it looks allot different since the last time I did these kind of problems so what do you say we read the chapter and we will BOTH learn?”

Your child will certainly respect you allot more in the morning in front of their class knowing that TOGETHER both of you accomplished the assignment and learned with YOU! I will tell you from experience there is NO better feeling than learning something new with your child. Even if they remember it far longer than you do! It’s OK!

There is another problem parents have, they believe they MUST have an answer to each and ever question their children have. Simply say” You know, I don’t know the answer but I bet the two of us can look it up then we will both be smarter!”

Your child, children will have a great deal more respect for you and will ask again and again, knowing they will get the right answer from you.

One of the reasons and there are MANY, children turn to peers and sometimes to gangs, because they don’t get the sincerity of help from Mom and Dad they need.

Some parents give answers in a tone of voice and with a hurried attitude that gives one a sense of not caring or don’t have the time for YOU!

Raising children is difficult I think we all agree on that, right? So don’t make it any harder. Be honest, if you don’t know the answer or how to do the project, problem or assignment say you don’t know and work with you child from that point.

It will bring you closer together and earn their respect!

Besides you always wanted to know the capital of Ethiopia .

Right?

Watch my latest video on parenting

—

Mr Motivation

No Pain No Gain! You’re Kidding Right?

One of the topics people talk to me about the most is relationships. I will have to admit I’m astonished at the number of people who confess just how often their partner in their relationship hurts them. Now fortunately for the most part we are talking mentally but there are some cases where I have heard stories of physical abuse as well.

In sports there is a saying “No Pain…No Gain” Now let me tell you something. I have played sports for a long time, and yes there have been times where I was in pain but quite honestly I do NOT remember a time where it increased my ability of any magnitude. Now some may say that’s because I had no ability!

But many individuals evidently believe that in order for a relationship to flourish and be successful there has to be some pain endured along the way. Give me a break! How many of you would fall off a bicycle you have been riding for over 10 years just because you felt the pain would make you enjoy the experience and make you a better rider? That’s why there are trainingwheels when you first learn, so that you will NOT fall and get hurt, NO PAIN!

So what we need in a relationship are training wheels. That way we can develop our relationships and not get hurt. One problem. They are not sold at stores or early morning TV infomercials. In fact you can’t buy them at all. You can however develop them!

Let’s understand something having a relationship is NOT an easy thing to accomplish. Let me say that again, NOT easy. How many times when you were learning to ride that bike did you fall, and how many times did you get hurt? Many will say NEVER! they are ones who had training wheels. The rest, got bloodied!

So what are the training wheels we need in a relationship. Have Trust,  Be Patient and Give Love.

Let’s start with trust. Websters defines Trust as: “Firm reliance in the honesty, dependability, strength, or character of someone or something. One in which faith or confidence is placed. Something given into one’s care for the benefit of the interest of another. Hope. Reliance on something in the future.”

See I told you this wasn’t going to be easy, and that’s exactly why most relationships are painful and don’t work. People simple are to lazy, yes I said lazy, to give the effort to make a relationship work.

Patient: ”Demonstrating uncomplaining endurance under distress.

Love: Intense affection. A feeling of attraction. Enthusiasm or fondness.

Gets even harder as we continue on, doesn’t it? That’s why so many relationships fail. Most if not all individuals are simply NOT aware of what it takes to make a relationship work. Even if they did most would NOT be willing to exert the time and energy to do so.

Think about it.

Trust, honesty, dependability, strength, character, faith, confidence, interest, hope, reliance, uncomplaining endurance, distress, intense,affection, attraction, enthusiasm and fondness.

Yes those are the parts that make up the “training wheels” so that individuals can learn how to establish and grow and maintain a relationship without pain! NO! It is NOT easy!

Because so many individuals do not understand that it takes that much effort and having all those traits they fail and hurt themselves and those in the relationship with them.

Look, for the most part nothing in life is that simplistic. I’m sorry if you were looking for a simple, easy answer, there isn’t one. No pills! No magic formula drink! No machine.

What you do have now, that you did not have before are “training wheels.” You now understand what it takes to insure that your relationship, no matter what type of relationship it may be, will work over time!

Use the “training wheels.” You may wobble but you won’t fall. They will be “No Pain” No Pain” but you WILL gain and grow in your relationship!

—

Mr Motivation

So what happens when ALL your employees quit?

Ok Mr. C.E.O or you Human Resources Director when then the economy starts it’s up turn in 2010 will you be ready for the mass exodus that is going to take place in hundreds of companies across the United States? Probably not.

You see right now you believe that those people are a dime a dozen and you would be right. As of now.

Very shortly however new opportunities are going to start to develop and if you haven’t invested in those individuals you have in your company, guess what, they are GONE!

So you ask. What  can I do to keep them. First of all money is NOT the first answer unless of course you have them so under paid it’s an embarrassment to even process payroll.

No! The answer is motivating and sincerely caring about their well being. Now keep in mind that sincerity is the key word here. If you pretend to care, they will see through that very quickly.

First of all employee’s are people, human beings, just like you. They have feelings. They have pride. They want, NO they demand to be recognized for who they are and what they do.

Sure you recognize them, every time they do something incorrect you write them up. Our HR group has 15 different forms just for that process. NOT surprising. One of the first things we notice when we do a seminar in a corporate setting is how the format within the company structure is set up to assist the employee to fail.  Does that shock you, it shouldn’t

When is the last time you or a member of your staff went out into the company and sincerely simply talked to your employee’s. NEVER!

Companies don’t do that. They take all the time, energy and money and train Senior Management, Upper Management, the management teams, Managers and Supervisors and NEVER spend a dime on the Assistant Supervisors, leads and front line people.

Oh! I’m sorry! I forgot about the turkey at Thanksgiving. Oh really, a $25 gift card at Walmart. Or maybe that real nice polo shirt with the company logo. Nice!

Think about this. The New York Yankees just won the World Series. Now what would have happened if the entire management staff showed for the series BUT the players NEVER came to the game? You really believe the managers abilities to coach wins the series without the players. NOT going to happen is it?

So you and your entire management staff show up for work all set to impress your dime a dozen employee’s with your intellect, and they don’t come into work!

Good luck with that!

Listen invest in them it’s easy and simplistic.

Even as a C.E.O (In fact every position I ever held) I went around the entire building every morning I was in the office and shook the hand of each employee, asked them how they were doing, how the job was, how their family was and how were they being treated.

OK! now you going to say you have 10,000 employee’s there is NO way I can do that and you would be correct.

So set the example and accomplish this with those around you encouraging your ENTIRE management team to do likewise.

However do NOT and I mean do NOT do it if you do not care or have the sincerity to do it. Believe me those $10.00 an hour dime a dozen employee’s know when it’s real and when it’s not!

Remember when we said you noticed them and your HR people noticed them when they did something incorrect. Will take the same amount of time and energy to notice the positive they do. You just might be surprised how little correction there will be in the future. How attendance and tardiness are no longer an issue. Sick days decrease and productivity increases.

When is the last time you or a member of management said “thank you” to an hourly worker. When is the last time you even acknowledge their existence?

Remember your good, your Vice Presidents and Directors are good, your Management team is good but if those front line managers, supervisors, leads and front line employee’s don’t show up for work even for one day, what’s the bottom line on the monthly P&L look like. Not sure the stockholders are going to understand the relevance in your Ph.D.

Realize they are NOT a dime a dozen, Good employee’s are difficult to find and keep.

Remember! If you don’t treat them well…… who will?…….Your competition!

—–

Mr. Motivation

Motivating since 1978